You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
