weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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