OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
