I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize