im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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