I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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