well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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