i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I smell like Dick and happiness
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
