Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fuck appropriateness.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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