guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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