1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
