My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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