There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
