; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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