k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
