So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
