batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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