So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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