Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Non-Jews are for practice
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Two words: nipple clamps
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