Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
