Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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