just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
