u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
