No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
