Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
