oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
