Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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