i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
