You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
