im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
