she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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