Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
