It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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