I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
