I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize