i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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