Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
