i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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