i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
