the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize