i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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