Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was CRYING into my vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
