there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
