tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
