I think I won the penis lottery.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
