my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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