walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
