$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just google imaged poop.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
