No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
