Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
