I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
