You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
