dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
