I didn't shave. On purpose
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
