I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
