Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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