Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
