I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
