So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i love accidental penises.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
