guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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