some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize