things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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