Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
