I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
