guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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