he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
