That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
