i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
not ubering you a puppy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
