so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
