Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
